Here’s a question about an experience many of us have had, but few of us will admit to. This was a real reader question, used by permission here. This is what I said to encourage a reader who struggles with comparing herself to another woman.
A new woman moved in across from my husband and I. I’ll admit, after our last neighbor had moved out, I prayed that anyone but a young beautiful girl would move in. But wouldn’t you know it, this exact girl has moved in across from us. She’s stunning and in fantastic shape. She’s tan and she has a successful career. I have been struggling to find a job for over a year. I’m beyond discouraged. And I can’t understand why God wouldn’t answer my prayer. I just want to protect my marriage and not have my husband compare me to the young hottie who’s got it all together. Do you have any advice how to handle this situation because we can’t move at the moment and it’s been stressful between the two of us?
Frustrated in Fresno
Thing 1: Do you know he’s comparing you?
So, I guess my first question for you is: Do you know that your husband is comparing you to her? Has he verbalized that? Or, do you just assume that he is because you are comparing yourself to her. Those are two different things. I think we make a lot of assumptions of things our husbands are thinking or feeling . . .but not always are they the truth. Especially when it comes to marriage, the enemy has a way of lying in our ears, all the time, to disrupt our intimacy with our husband and cause strain . . .and half the time. . . the struggle is all in our heads. He messes with our minds and makes us think things that aren’t reality. I lived this for the first several years of my marriage and a licensed counselor really helped me weed through the lies so I could actually believe my husband loved and wanted me.
From there . . . I think you choose your route:
Route 1: Graciously Ask Him to Stop Comparing.
Route 2: Accept the Fact that the Comparison May Be Your Internal Struggle