I met my husband at age 30. This was exactly 13 years later than planned.
Truth is, I started college two weeks after I turned 17 and really hoped to leave with an MRS. degree. Seems God had other plans.
Though now I look back on the decade (post-college) that I spent as a single woman and am thankful for those experiences and the time I had to grow up–I remember what it was like! Goodness, I wish someone would have told me back then to just RELAX. Marriage comes when it comes. And, there is something tougher than being single . . .being married to a man who doesn’t love God. (Yes, I tried to make that happen. Praise God for his grace in sparing me.)
So if you’re single and looking . . . or maybe single again and hoping the next time turns out better, here are a few ideas to help your wait and your selection process.
First: Stop Obsessing Over Your Appearance.
It’s a myth that you have to look AHAP (as hot as possible) in order to be able to attract a suitable mate. I’ve seen overweight women get married to wonderful men. I’ve seen friends who worried obsessively about every aspect of their appearance and spent hours in the gym each day stay single. When it comes to finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the attraction to be deeper than just physical. For both of you! Okay, so looking nice can get a man’s attention–I’m not saying be a slob! But, a pretty shell with a hollow interior isn’t what most Christian men are looking for.
Let me repeat in fewer words: You do not have to get your body perfect in order to get married. Are we clear?
Spend time taking care of yourself, but make sure you ALSO spend time becoming an interesting, kind, filled with fruit of the Holy Spirit type person too. Don’t sacrifice the latter to look hot.
If you struggle with NOT obsessing over your appearance, than read this incredibly helpful book. Like today. (It’ll also show you how a many won’t necessarily fix your body image . . .in case you thought that would happen.)
Second: Stop Obsessing Over How to Find a Man.
I met my husband on Eharmony. There I said it.
Okay, 14 years ago online dating wasn’t as acceptable as it is today. But my point is this: God can use any way he wishes to bring the right guy into your life at the right time. You just need to be ready and willing to follow his lead.
Go on that missions trip, try out the new church, go on the blind date . . .hey, even join Eharmony if you want to! But, whatever you do, don’t become so isolated that the only way you’ll ever meet a man is for God to drop him on your windshield while you’re driving too and from work. (I heard Dr. Phil give that advice to someone once, and I thought it was brilliant!) There’s STILL faith involved when you’re putting yourself out there. Don’t obsess over whether or not it’s “you doing it” or “God doing it” if you go intentionally looking to meet people.
Just chill, be willing, and let God arrange your “how we met” story.
Third: Start Obsessing Over Something Greater Than Yourself
Want to become irresistible to an eligible Christian man? Get obsessed. Not with your weight or the gym or even him . . .but with Jesus. Start living for something and someone greater than yourself. Friend, I can’t tell you what a difference this will make in your dating . . .and later marriage . . .relationship. You’ll be able to stop stressing over every, “Wait, shouldn’t he have called by now?” moment . . .and be free to just go with the flow, trusting that, ultimately, God’s got your relationship.
Want to find a good man? I’d say start with these three principles and you’re off to a good start.
Went I know who God have for me good man. I been along 10yrs now. I be divorce 10yrs. What am I doing wrong?
I’m not sure that you’re doing anything wrong, friend. Sometimes it’s just a journey and a season of waiting to see if God will bring us someone and then trusting that he can meet all of our needs if he doesn’t. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. But, if we’re seeking him first, we know he’s got our best in mind.