Normally, it’s a good thing to be full. As someone who has struggled with loving food a little too much for the last 34 years of life, feeling full is one of my favorite feelings.
In first grade, I ate two Whoppers from Burger King without blinking an eye. In middle school, I tricked my grandma into taking me to the mall for Sam’s Old Fashioned Ice Cream Bars (Why doesn’t that place exist anymore??) – even though I already indulged in one with my friend earlier that day. In high school, I ate eight Boston Cream Pie filled donuts in one sitting. I CRAVE that feeling of fullness, that immediate gratification, that rush from my belly to my brain telling me, “Now I feel complete.”
As an adult, I’ve learned to be a little more careful with my edible urges (well, there WAS that sheet cake a couple months ago). But I have recently noticed I still have that unquenchable thirst to fill up–I seek to be overwhelmingly full–with activity, busyness, saying “yes” to yet another commitment I fear I won’t keep.
All the while, the most important thing in my life grows emptier and emptier–my relationship with Jesus. I consume myself with activity, searching for significance in the day to day duties, yet I neglect to feed my spiritual belly. I neglect to nurture my need for nearness to my Father.
This spring, I was challenged to read the New Testament in eight weeks. No small feat, and I’ll be honest – I’m a little bit behind. But I am constantly in awe of what a difference it makes to continually fill up on Truth. I’m amazed at the patterns I find in Jesus’ words, and in the writings of Paul and the other followers of Jesus. Concepts like “running the race with endurance,” “being joyful in affliction,” “being rooted in love,” and “bearing fruit” come up again and again. Nowhere does it say to fill up on what you can to make you feel good about yourself. What I’ve observed in my reading is that it comes down to a heart issue. Every time.
Matthew 6:21 says, “Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”
If I am FULL of truth – not based on my own earthly desires or longings, but on God’s desire to be glorified in my life – my heart changes. My focus changes. The things I desire to be FULL of changes.
Lord, fill me with your desires. Not my will, but Yours. Take out all unnecessary details, so that my focus is You.
Erin Kerry is wife to Richard and “mama” to Isabel and Roman. She works as an English teacher and ESL Department Head for a middle school in Plano, Texas as well as ambassador for Plexus Worldwide. She loves bingeing on Netflix with her husband, playing games with her kids, getting sucked into a good book, running races (slowly), discovering unique craft beers, and trying out new Mexican restaurants. Read Erin’s posts here.