There’s a big secret to losing weight that doesn’t have anything to do with carb to protein ratios, Crossfit workouts, or eating like a caveman.  It has to do with love.

For the first time, ever, I stepped on the scale on New Year’s Day and saw a number I should have been happy with.  Thanks to a half-hearted go at the Virgin Diet and a bad case of the flu, my annual January weigh-in was atypical.  Almost ten pounds were gone.

Yet, I’ll be honest. It didn’t feel awesome. In fact, it didn’t really feel that different than any of those other years where I got the scale, looked down, and resolved how much better life would be if that number were lower.  Instead, it was pretty much the same. I stood there wondering if that number was still too high to make me happy. I wish I had known this secret to losing weight sooner.

Yes. I know I have a problem. But, not the one you think.  

It’s an affection problem.

Two months ago thousands (if not tens of thousands) of people resolved to lose weight. For most, this is a worthwhile goal. Yet, by now, many (if not most) of those who resolved to “finally do it” this time have given up.  Why?  Are they weak-willed? Did they choose the wrong diet? Do they just have too many obstacles to overcome?

No. I think it’s because they haven’t found a higher affection.

I recently watched Dr. Oz tell a Christian audience the secret to losing weight and sustaining it.

His answer: You have to start thinking about yourself. Put “you” first.

And, as I think about I realized: He’s partially right. Sometimes you do lose weight if you put all of your energy into prioritizing exercise or how you eat.

But, the challenge is putting ourselves (or our weight loss first) puts us in the precarious position of creating an idol out of weight loss, fitness goals, or me! Then it becomes so hard to give up our idols because we think they will make us happy. We think they bring us comfort and security. So, we chase the weight loss believing it will do something for us that it can’t. We believe it will unlock the door to a fabulous new life. But, instead, it just changes the scale. Maybe for a week. Maybe for a few months. Maybe just until it changes back again.

What I’ve found is when my intent is set on weight loss, my affections are set there too.

How to Change Your Affections.

So here is how changing your affection (what your heart loves) works: If you can replace your idol (current affection) with a higher affection (something you love more) then the thing you know longer love first begins to pale. The emotional connection fades. You begin to care more about the higher affection than the first love.

Practically, this is when you hear people say they can look at that plate of brownies and think, “No, I love myself (and my new skinny jeans) too much to eat you.” They believe they are saying “no” to one affection (brownies) and yes to a better affection (themselves).

But, please don’t stop reading here. This is NOT the secret to losing weight I was talking about. 

There’s just one (HUGE) problem with this weight-loss strategy. Though arguably effective for a positive change in your body, becoming your own idol is destructive to the person who does it, to their relationships, and to every other aspect of their life.

It’s almost cliche, it happens so often. You see someone who has lost a significant amount of weight and what follows? Is everything else in their lives suddenly better now that they look awesome?  Rarely. They have a hard time relating to old friends (though they make new ones who share their new affection). Their spouse can’t seem to make them “feel good” like they used to. Their relationships change. Everyone else is to blame.

A recent documentary on the aftermath of Ozempic showed a couple that were getting a divorce because of the man’s weight loss. He found a new priority in his life and his marriage wasn’t it.

So, then how DO you accomplish health goals without becoming your own idol?

What is the secret to losing weight?

To be truly healthy, you need an even higher, (much) better, affection.  The Gospel of Jesus Christ has the answer.

A Scottish theologian by the name of Thomas Chalmers preached on “the expulsive power of a higher affection” in the early 1800s. The gist of what he wanted people to understand is that it’s really difficult to abstain from sin if you only think about how “bad” it is to break the rules.

For example, simply meditating on how bad high fructose corn syrup is for your body is not enough motivation to keep you away from Oreos. (You can insert pornography, lying, drinking, drugs, gambling, or just about any struggle you have in that sentence to get the full impact of what he was saying.)  Chalmers preached that we need a greater power, a greater affection, to get rid of (or expel) the sinful behavior.

Chalmers encouraged people to take their misplaced affections (like a love for too much food) and replace them with the far greater power of the affection of the gospel: the love of Jesus Christ. This secret to losing weight may seem simple, but it takes a lot of heart work.