The Burden of Better is for: Married Women

by April Hooper | Sep 16, 2020 | Marriage

The Burden of Better is a Christian book for married women! Okay it’s for single women too. But if you are married, you’re going to hear a twist on comparison inside our homes that perhaps you’ve never even considered. Comparing ourselves TO our husbands.

Yes, that’s right. You likely thought I was going to talk about not comparing our marriages to other marriages… and that’s healthy and helpful advice. But, what I’ve found to be just as big of a problem for married women is the challenge mentioned above.

Here’s how it can look.

I remember, years ago, when I had 4 children ages 4 and under and my husband was finishing seminary and planting a church. Oh friends. He’d be gone all day long, having lunch with people, meeting people for coffee and sitting in classes. He’d squeeze in a mid-day trip to the gym. And, he’d get home and feel tired. Meanwhile, I potty-trained, changed 27 diapers, fought hard for 3 nap times, watched 4 shows on PBS kids, cleaned up spilled goldfish, stepped on Legos, and cleaned out the washing machine because somehow a swim diaper got in there, again! I’ll be honest. I’d feel angry. “It’s no fair!” He’d say he had a hard meeting and I’d be like, “Well at least you talked about something other than Elmo’s world!” I could wallow in my self pity and resentment for days (okay, weeks).

But, sometime before my oldest turned 5, God grabbed a hold of my heart. He showed me that comparing myself to my husband drives a wedge between us. As time went on I was able to acknowledge the truth that some seasons are hard for me and some seasons are hard for him, but no one has it “easier” or “harder” indefinitely. Marriage isn’t the place for a comparing heart. Instead, when I’m in a hard season, it’s more helpful to just ask for help, expressing to my husband that I’m at wit’s end and calling for back up!

There are other lessons in the book for married women too. So, if you’re a married woman or if you know one, I hope you’ll check it out. I have some great free gifts (including an MP3 walking workout to lift the weight of comparison).